How to be a great wedding guest (from the photographer’s point of view)
I think this blog post should have a disclaimer
As much as this is an article about being a good guest, what it really comes down to is mutual respect. It has elements of humour, I think some of the scenarios that have occurred are either funny or unbelievable. When recounting these stories, people have told me I need to write them down...so here we are.
Photographers should respect that guests sometimes do things unintentionally, and guests should respect that the photographer is there is a professional capacity. As much as the photographer will laugh and joke with the guests, their main priority is the bridal couple, and ensuring that the final product that they present is of the utmost best quality.
These days, everyone has a camera. Personally, I have no issue with guests standing behind me and shooting over my shoulder during the family shots. I understand that it’s one of the few times that everyone is together, and the bride may forget to pass on the professional family photographs once she has them. If they end up on the book of faces, some family members may not be able to access them. This, however, is where it ends.
Guest Fail #1:
Shooting over the photographer’s shoulder during the creative shoot
The creative shoot is my time to bond with the bridal couple and bring out the best in them. I am there to capture their relationship with each other. I cannot do this if they are a shy couple and are all too conscious of all the guests watching them being photographed.
The worst is the guest who follows me on a creative shoot and holds up my shoot while trying to capture the exact shots that I have just set up and taken. This actually happened to me a few years ago. Every time I photographed a scene, he would jump in and say ‘hold it’ and shoot exactly what I had just set up. It was not his creative photography – he was merely pressing a button to capture a pre-existing scene. Every scene took twice as long to capture. He had not asked if he could accompany me on the shoot, nor if I minded. I did not want to be rude and ask him to stop. Because the person was an uncle of the bridal couple, neither the bride nor the groom felt comfortable asking him to refrain either.
Eventually, I asked the bridal couple to organize cars, as we were leaving to shoot a scene somewhere else. I realized that I had to remove myself from this situation, and had fortunately scouted the area the day before and knew of some great spots close by.
Excitedly, this guest asked where “we” were going. The truth is that “we” had a shoot to do- and an increasingly tight timeline to do it in. I had to get my shots, and could not continue having my shoot interrupted.
Calmly I explained that “we “ – consisting of the bridal couple and myself -would be going on a drive, and I’d really appreciate it if he could capture the candid shots while the guests were chatting, as I was unable to be in two places at once. Honestly, I thought I was extremely tactful.
The next day, I received an invitation to like his photography page on Facebook. There, before I had had a chance to edit my own work, were some of my scenes, all over the internet for everyone to see.
Under “Guest’s name Photography”
I was so grateful that I had had the presence of mind (in an intrusive, stressful situation) to remove my couple away from him so that at least people could still get excited about seeing my pics. This is, after all, how I earn my living.
Following the photographer around without asking is disrespectful both to them personally, and to their profession as a whole. If the bride and groom wanted you to work on the day, they would not have asked you to be a guest. They would have booked you on a professional level, and paid you. Easy.
Just let the photographer be the photographer.
Guest Fail #2:
At a wedding, depending on the crowd, one of the hardest things to do is get all the guests in the same place at the same time.
Generally, you will explain where you want everyone for the group shot. You will point in the general direction. You will go and stand exactly where you want them to be so that they can visualize exactly what you need. In the absence of an MC or microphone, you, your assistant and a few guests that are on your side will go from group to group reminding people. This is a slow process, as no one likes being told what to do, or being told that the bar will not be opened until the group shot has been taken (we do whatever we can to encourage co-operation!)
So bearing all this in mind, you would think that it would go without saying that the photographer would have put a small amount of thought into where the group is to be placed.
I once painstakingly manoeuvred 80 guests from a marquee to a beautiful, clear backlit scene close by. As I was about to press the shutter, one of the guests put up his hand and yelled “You can’t take the shot here, the sun is behind us”
I explained that that was the point.
He tried to overrule me.
I am not joking.
He actually said ‘No, that can’t be right. Everyone, please move to that side’
I yelled out “Nooooo!” and took a quick test shot, I walked up to the group (hooray for digital!), and went along the crowd, showing everyone the pic and explaining why they needed to be where I had placed them. I literally had to explain that if they were looking into the sun, they would all be squinting. Obvious? Yes. Not to that one guy, though. You know, the one who knew everything?
Just please don’t try and undermine the photographer.
All the other guests will tease you (as was the case at this wedding).
Guest Fail #3:
Jumping into the shot AS the photographer takes the group shot she has spent a little while setting up so that everyone looks their best.
During the candid shots – it’s kind of expected. No problem.
When I have a full studio setup, and a drunk guest comes bouncing in like Tigger from Winnie the Pooh, I run the risk of expensive equipment being knocked over. Naturally, I’m not going to have a sense of humour about that. I would really appreciate it (if you are reading this and you are THAT guest: if "drunk you" and "sober you" could have a little chat about when it is appropriate, and when it’s not. Thank you, that would be lovely).
While we’re at it.... that ‘V’ sign guests pull above someone else’s head to ruin the photo.... surely we can find something else now?
Guest Fail #4:
Talking during your photographs.
This one, I don’t expect people to know upfront. It’s nerve-wracking being in front of the camera with a professional photographer. Some people keep talking to keep themselves calm, and some do it to try and get others to relax. So this one is less of a criticism, and more just some helpful advice.
When I am trying to get ten people to look great in one photograph, I already have to contend with the fact that someone will blink in at least one of the photographs. No one can help that.
It is soul-destroying to get the perfect shot where everyone is standing correctly and all the eyes are open…..to see a tongue hanging out while Uncle Bob repeats his latest knock-knock joke.
I do ask politely for everyone not to talk during the shot for this very reason. My job is to make everyone look great, not just the bride and groom.
Help me help you.
For 1/125th of a second, just smile beautifully. Please?
Guest Fail #5:
This one will resonate with fellow photographers: The guests that step into the aisle while the bride is walking down.
No thought for the people behind them who would also like to capture a glance of the bride or the photographer who is trying to change her position without causing a distraction to compensate for your thoughtlessness.
I like guests bringing their cameras to weddings.
Possibly most of these points come from a point of view of different agendas. The guests are there to relax, the photographer is there to work. From the photographer’s point of view, everything must be done as professionally as possible, in the correct time frame. The guests want to relax – so jumping across each other around R250 000 worth of equipment is fun. For a photographer…obviously, we can see the fun…..we just carry slightly more responsibility.
Guest Fail #6:
Answering your phone during the ceremony – especially if you are the bride’s dad.
We were mid-ceremony when a cellphone ring pierced the reverent silence. Everybody looked at everybody else, trying to seek out the culprit, as one does.
It was a ceremony where the bridal couple’s [parents were on the stage with them.
The culprit was none other than the bride’s father!
Worse was the fact that the person must have asked if it was a bad time because he spoke clearly saying ‘No, I can chat quickly”. He continued his call, and after a minute. the officiant decided to continue with his sermon. After a few minutes, the bride’s dad said ‘Actually, I’m in a meeting, I’ll call you back.
I have no words.
I get it….especially after paying for a wedding he must have been watching his budget quite carefully. But to take a call during your daughter’s wedding ceremony rather than spend a few rands and phone the person back…..it’s unbelievable.
Guest Fail #7:
Arriving late
Guest Fail #8:
Arriving late if you are the pastor
The bride, the groom and I were all there waiting for the 9 am ceremony to start. Most of the guests were there….and the minister was not.
My poor bride. There was no room available for her to wait in (venue fail) and no staff member from the venue to assist. The bride ended up waiting in the car.
In Durban
On the 16th December.
By the time her minister arrived at 10.30 am, her make-up was melting.
His excuse?
"These weddings always run three hours late, so I didn’t think that arriving now would be a problem."
Beyond shocking
Guest Fail #9:
“You can just photoshop that.”
Photoshopping costs time.
If I edited everyone to the extent of whitening everyone’s teeth and making everyone’s arms smaller, the bridal couple would get their album the following year.
Built into our packages is a certain amount of editing time. Anything extra costs more time- and therefore more money. Just because something CAN be done does not make it economically viable (for the person footing the bill) to do so. As a guest, you don’t have the authority to ask me to photoshop you to that level, so we all end up smiling and joking about it, and taking the photograph anyway.
Guest Fail #10
Monopolising the photographer under some misguided impression that they are there to photograph you – and only you.
I think it is best to illustrate this point with another story.
I was once commissioned to cover an event with 200 guests. So as part of my normal routine, I did group shots and then candid individual shots. One lady looked absolutely beautiful and had some different accessories. Naturally I went in for the shot. She looked great. Backlit with the wind blowing gently through her hair, I had my shot. Until she saw the pic. ‘I normally can look quite skinny in photographs’ and proceeded to make me take the shot another seven times. This lady was certainly not overweight- but she definitely was not skinny either. She just looked healthy and well put-together, and we had some lovely pics. Sadly,I didn’t have time to chat to her about body image- I to catch up and photograph the other guests.
If you are there as an invited guest, and are not paying for the photographer, you cannot call them away to take photos of just you.
Tied in with this is asking for a bunch of photographs AS the photographer is packing up. More than once, I have set up my lights again to take ‘just one more shot’ to pacify a guest, and find myself there for an extra hour. If you don’t know whether the photographer is charging for the event as a whole or per hour, don’t ask for a family portfolio on someone else’s dime. Because of this, I now specify that any group shots automatically form part of the edited selection- and explain to my clients that they need to control their guests.
Remember – if the photographs don’t turn out, no one says “oh, the MC never came and told her about the first dance”…they’ll just remember that she missed the moment. Photographers have to have their eyes and ears tuned in to everything.
I love my job. I love people. I love watching people. I love seeing the humour in a variety of circumstances. Sometimes, it's less humour and more "I'm glad that wasn't me!'. But mainly, every industry has their special moments, and these are just some of the photographic ones.
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